i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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