The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
