Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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