worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
