If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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