I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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