I bet he comes in French.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
