I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
