I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
