finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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