am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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