i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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