I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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