I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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