If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
