lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
