these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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