I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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