i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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