a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
