WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
