i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
