I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
