Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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