WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
