im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
