come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
