Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
