last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
