im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
