take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
