Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
