please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
