I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
