yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
