I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
