non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize