He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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