Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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