I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize