You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
