I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
