If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I cut my penus on the lid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
