bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it glows. i had to have it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize