Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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