he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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