Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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