Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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