Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
