Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
