So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize