do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
