Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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