You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
