I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
