My vagina just recognized that song.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
