I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
