did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
