I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dick very happy bro
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need to align my fucking chakras
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
