The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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