We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
