I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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