If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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