I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
