So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So gin and wine won't be happening again
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
