That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
