i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
